


Transfiguration with Trump

by an_apple_with_a_face



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe Hogwarts, Enemies to Lovers, Hogwarts AU, M/M, Ministry of Magic, slowburn, storming the capitol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_apple_with_a_face/pseuds/an_apple_with_a_face
Summary: Joe Biden is a student at Hogwarts. One morning he saves the Gryffindor jock Donald Trump from a creature in the castle lake. Later on they are paired up for a project, while Trump still struggles with the side effects of the bite of the creature.
Relationships: Donald Trump and Joe Biden
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. The boy who drowned

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, this is my first work. I’m mainly writing it as fanfiction satire, so I’m combining many horrible fanfiction clishees and tropes for the fun of it. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter one: The boy who drowned  
The morning dew lay over the grass as Joe walked across the courtyard. Hogwarts loomed behind him like a towering dark mountain. The air was crisp and cut into his lungs as he inhaled. Joe walked down the hill towards the lake. Mornings like these were his favorite. When all others were still asleep, Joe would wander to the lake and sit and stare into the water. Sometimes, the Kraken would come and visit him.  
The little spot under one of the willows at the lake gave Joe a wonderful view of the lake and the castle. As he sat, he could watch the castle waking up. The first owls arrived carrying The Daily Prophet. A few windows in the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw towers lit up. Joe sighed contently. Truly a peaceful view. 

SPLASH. Joe awoke at once. He was dazed and disoriented. When his mind focused, he searched for the search of the splash that had awoken him. He could just make out a figure in the lake, about 50 meters from where Joe’s little spot was. A swimmer. Joe frowned. WHy must athletic people always make such a ruckus? Probably a Gryffindor. Arrogant show offs, all of them. But despite his annoyance, Joe decided to casually walk back to Hogwarts past the swimmer, so as to catch a glance. As he slandered towards the castle, he began to be able to see the swimmer. Joe was mesmerized by the swimmers gleaming golden hair, and his strong shoulders. He swam with powerful strokes, mostly from his biceps. Joe noticed that he had rather small hands. His skin was white as the moon on a dark night.

Just as Joe was about to turn his back and walk away, the swimmer's golden head disappeared. Then quickly, it resurfaced, just to disappear again. Joe watched perplexed as the golden orb bounced in and out of the water, like a golden snitch dodging in an out of a quidditch crowd. The realization hit him like a brick. The swimmer was not swimming anymore, but drowning. Without thinking, Joe ripped off his robes to reveal his ripped physique. He dove into the water, the shock of the cold numbing his limbs for a moment before he began to swim towards the blond boy with powerful strokes. He reached him just as the boy's head began to dip underwater again, his attempts at keeping it above water weakening rapidly. Joe grabbed the boy around his waist and swam back to shore.

Breathing heavily, Joe dragged the boy to land. He collapsed in the sand and stayed there a while, just staring into the sky and breathing. Suddenly, he heard a whimper from the boy. He was about Joe’s age, taller than Joe and a lot more fit too. His golden blond hair that had caught Joe’s eye before was long and clung to the sides of the boy’s wet face like seaweed. In between the golden strands two dark blue gray orbs shone panicked.  
“My skin.” The boy whimpered. “My beautiful skin.” Joe looked at the boy’s skin and fought the urge to burst out laughing. His skin had turned orange.  
“ Looks like a nickerwrang got you.” Joe noted, trying hard to look concerned, but a snicker did escape his lips. The boy had taken the shade of an orange and his golden hair looked pale in comparison.  
“ Sod off!” The boy shouted angrily.


	2. My Father will hear of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres chapter two!

Chapter two: My father will hear of this  
“Mr Biden, you are late.” Professor McGonagall scolded. Joe gave her an apologetic shrug and slid into the bench next to his best friend, Barack.  
“ Man, where were you?” Barack whispered.  
“Out by the lake. Some kid got attacked by a nickerwrang. His skin is all orange” Joe mumbled.  
Barack looked at him in disbelief.  
“ I swear. We can sneak into the infirmary later and check if you want. I doubt he’ll show his face around the castle before the color goes back to normal.”  
“ MR BIDEN. OBAMA. One more word from you and that's 10 points from Ravenclaw for the both of you.”  
“ Sorry Professor.” Barack yelped.  
“ Now, as I was saying,” McGonagall grumbled, “ I will pair you all up with another student for your Transfiguration Projects. This will not only be a test of knowledge and ability but a showcase of cooperation and teamwork. And before you ask… yes, the partners will be from another house.”  
A groan arose from the rows of students.  
“ If I were you I would be a great deal more enthusiastic about this opportunity to bond with other houses. One can learn a great deal from another.” McGonagall said coldly.  
She then began reading out names. Joe stared out the window at the Forbidden Forest. His mind drifted to the good looking swimmer. Joe wondered if his skin had gone back to the beautiful tanned it had been before.  
“Biden...your partner is Mr. Trump.”  
Joe looked at McGonagall quizzically. He had never talked to Trump, he wasn’t even sure who Trump was. He had heard several rumors in the Ravenclaw common room about the new Gryffindor quidditch keeper, about his rich father and transfer from Ilvermorny, but their paths had never crossed.  
“ Mr Biden, you and your partner will have extra time, due to his current, ahh, hindrance.”

“Oh no, what are you doing here.” The boy's skin was the color of a ripe orange and looked almost red in contrast to the white sheets of the infirmary bed.  
“ McGonagall paired us up for Transfiguration.” Joe muttered.  
“ No, she can’t, I cannot be seen like this.” Trump whined, writhing in his sheets.  
“ She can.She has given us extra time but she expects us to do this.”Trump let out a frustrated sigh.  
“ Fine.” He scowled. “ But we work on it here, until my skin does back to normal.” At this moment the nurse walked up to them.   
“ I’m afraid that won’t be soon. We are out of mongolian squander root, which is the only safe way to treat nickerwrang bites. We are expecting an owl with a parcel of ganderflower which is an alternative cure, but not without side effects.” Joe snickered  
“ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE OUT OF THE CURE??? MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!” Trump yelled. “ I NEED TO BE AT THE GAME AGAINST SLYTHERIN IN TWO WEEKS”  
Joe shrugged apologetically at the nurse and left the infirmary. This would be a very exhausting project.


	3. A severian unicorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you figure out which actual trump quotes i used?

Chapter Three: A Severian Unicorn  
"I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Wales pay for that wall. Mark my words."  
Joe sighed. Trump had been talking for a good ten minutes now. The book on Transfiguration lay unopened on his infirmary bed.  
“ TRUMP” Joe snapped, his patience finally ending. “ I don’t care about what you want to do when you inherit your father's company, or when he loans you one million galleons. We need to get this project started otherwise we won’t ever finish in time.”  
Trump's very small hands angrily clenched the covers and his blue eyes sparkled angrily.  
"They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people." He said through clenched teeth. Joe sighed.  
“ That’s lovely. Now what does that have to do with turning this clay pot into a magical creature?”   
“Nothing. But it needed to be said. I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. I've been challenged by so many people and I don't, frankly, have time for total political correctness." Joe stared at the boy in the bed very hard.   
His golden hair was crumpled and flat on one side from lying in bed all day. The orange teint his skin had taken was still ripe, but had begun fading around his eyes. It almost looked like he had taken a swim in cheeto dust and the only unaffected part of his body was where he had worn swim goggles. It did somehow impress Joe though, how well Trump was handling the situation. had it been Joe, he may have just flung himself into the lake.   
But perhaps it was the mound of flowers and sweets from Honeydukes that grew day by day next to Trump's bed that motivated him. It seemed that many girls from the Gryffindor house were heartbroken and hoped for his speedy recovery. There was also a large fruit basket from the Gryffindor quidditch team. Joe rolled his blue orbs.  
Jocks were so annoying. And yet… there was a certain poise, a certain charm to the way Trump talked with the limited vocabulary and diction of a seven year old. His time hands seemed almost dainty and the orange color of his skin made him glo luminescent in the white infirmary.  
“ Allright.” Joe pulled himself from his thoughts before his mind could drift to more...explicit thoughts. “ I think we should try and turn this into a severian unicorn. My brother did this course last year and sent me an owl yesterday with the spell they used. I think that will impress McGonagall a lot.” He pulled out a parchment from his bag.  
“ Very good, very smart.” Trump agreed. Joe was surprised. He had expected a long discussion. This was a good start.  
"I look very much forward to showing my talents, because they are huge." Trump gloated.  
I bet that is not the only huge thing about you, Joe thought to himself, and immediately shut down that train of thought. He had surprised himself with the sudden intensity of the thought and found his mind had drifted to the memory of Trump lying on the shore of the lake, breathing heavily and wearing only a pair of swimming trunks. He banished the thought and image to the back of his head and looked at the parchment his brother had sent him.  
“ We are going to need a lot of space. Severian unicorns aren’t the biggest, but they need space to run.”


	4. A total disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is chapter four, thanks for all the positive guys, it means a lot :)

Chapter Four: A Total Disaster  
Joe sat in the greenhouse twirling his wand. Above his head a herd of wispy horses galloped in perfect circles.  
Thump! The horses vanished into thin air and Joe’s concentration broke and his attention turned to Trump who trudded in and slammed the door to the greenhouse shut. He was wrapped in a scarlet and gold Gryffindor cloak that was pulled deep into his face.  
“ Very bad, very bad.” He grumbled. “ I almost ran into my team captain. He can’t know I am actually not lying in bed with several broken bones.” Joe smirked.  
“ You mean your wonderful friends don’t know about your, ah, autumnal complexion?” Trump drew his wand and pointed it at Joe angrily.  
“ You and the nurse are the only one who know. If this got out, I would be the laughing stock of all the school.” Joe tried very hard to keep a straight face, because the rumors and reports of Trump’s simple mind and ,erm, interesting view of the world were a favorite fireside gossip topic in the Ravenclaw tower. And yet, Trump did seem intelligent the more Joe spoke to him. Sure, he had some interesting ideas and perhaps antiquated prejudice against the southern countries ( Wales, France), but the way he had managed to keep the orange skin hidden, being a popular quidditch player and all, did require a certain amount of brain cells.  
“ Let’s begin, I don’t have all day. The longer I stay here, the more likely it is someone bursts in and sees…” Trump trailed off with a vague gesture in front of his torso and Joe understood. The gesture however did also make Joe glance at the boy’s midriff and he couldn’t help but admire the firm contour of Trump's stomach and strong arms under the tight shirt he was wearing.  
FOCUS! Joe pinched himself just above the knee to bring himself, but couldn‘t help hoping that it was Trump who-  
“Okay, Biden, let’s do this thing.” Trump got out his wand. “ Trimtrampium unicornus” He waved the wand in a circle over the clay pot sitting on a table between the two boys. He looked at Joe expectantly with hsi dark blue orbs. Joe pulled his wand as well and together, they chanted the words five times, while waving their wands in a counter clockwise fashion above the pot. After the fifth time they flicked their wrists upwards in unison and stepped back. The clay pot had begun to wriggle and writhe and change its color from a dark orange brown, not unlike Trump’s skin, to a violent shade of fuchsia. It began to grow and shape itself into limbs and emit a green smoke that engulfed the pot-creature.   
“ Very good. Terrific, I am a genius, very smart, very smart. Good genes.” Trump mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Joe to hear.  
“ My brother said in his letter that the transformation is hard to get right right away. We may have only a three legged unicorn..:” Joe stared at the green fog that was beginning to clear. From inside the cloud of smoke a snarl erupted that made both Joe and Trump jump.  
“"While that is an extremely unattractive unicorn, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct." Trump guffawed, pointing at the creature that now stood before them.  
the creature was the shade of fuchsia severian unicorns were typically known for, the rest of its appearance was the drastic opposite of a unicorn. A small shrivelled body, with human-like arm and leg proportions, but the creature could not have been taller than two feet. Its back was bent and its fingers and toes gnarled and curved. Its face was drawn into a nasty grimace.  
“ A FLOGGLE TROLL” The realization hit Joe just as the troll crouched down to pounce.  
“ STUPIFY” Trump yelled and the troll was thrown back and lay in a small curled ball on the floor, unable to move.  
“ How did we go so wrong, that we got a troll, instead of a unicorn??” Trump inquired annoyed.  
“ I have no idea.” Joe said, still in shock. His grandfather’s uncle Gerdwander Gimmblegap had been attacked by a floggle troll in his youth. Sometimes they had visited him in St. Mungos, and the husk of a man with foggy eyes and teeth with the texture of jello had given young Joe quite a fright several times. The floggle troll was a legendary event often retold at Biden family reunions to naughty children, and yet, the true effects were far more haunting than anything aunt could threaten with.  
“ Th-thank you. I would not have been able to react so fast.” Joe stammered. Trump looked at him, a twinkle of arrogance in his eyes.  
“ I’m not the Gryffindor keeper for nothing Biden.”  
“ Right… let’s try again tomorrow?”  
“ Sure, it’s not like I’ll be going anywhere until that blasted nurse gets new herbs or flowers… roots? Whatever the witch needs.” And he walked out. Joe stayed in the green house a little longer, watching the last remains of the green fog vanish under the glass dome and then picked up the stupified floggle troll to take to the Care Of Magical Creature professor.


	5. Daydreaming of Donald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, its official biden won! here‘s the new chapter.

Chapter Five: Daydreaming of Donald  
A ray of sunshine fell through the window of the highest tower in which the Ravenclaws lived. Perched up above Hogwarts like actual ravens they had a marvelous outlook to all sides and could see many miles past the Hogwarts grounds, past Hogsmeade into the lush rolling hills.   
Joe however, did not see any of it. He sat in front of a window, with his head propped up on his hand, slowly drawing circles with his index finger around his temple, a gesture known to his fellow Ravenclaws as his daydream turbine. Some liked to joke that Joe`s absent minded gesture was actually used to rewind the gears in his head, so that they would function again, like he was a music box that needed to be wound up.  
“What’s up Joe” Barack plopped a stack of books down next to Joe’s arm and slumped down on a chair. Joe snapped out of his thoughts and blushed. He had been thinking about Trump once again. It was actually concerning how much he had thought about the cheeto colored boy in the last days. He was just thinking about his strong arms flailing as Joe had had his arm around Trump’s waist, his slim and muscular waist, as Joe had dragged him to the shore.   
Joe wasn't sure how to explain this to his best friend, so he just made a vague hand gesture. This was enough for Barack, who had other things on his mind anyway.  
“ I really cannot figure out a good animal to transfigure.” he moaned. “ And I hate my partner. McGonagall paired me up with Mike Pence, the Slytherin boy who almost got expelled last year for trying to transfigure a Hufflepuff into a cockroach.”  
“Well, at least he is probably good at Transfiguration then..” Joe mumbled.  
“ This isn’t amusing Biden!” Barack said with playful seriousness.   
“ Well, I turned a pot into a troll today. It cannot get much worse than that:” Joe bleched.  
“ What were you aiming for?”   
“ A severian unico- STop laughing!” Joe tried to be angry but he cracked soon and laughed with Barack. It really had been a catastrophe. And yet, before any danger could have befallen him, Trump had stupefied the troll and saved Joe. He couldn’t help smirking as he recalled the moment, the delicious silence and electricity in the air and he and Trump had held another's gaze for a while after the troll had been shocked. It occurred to him that they were now even in terms of saving another’s lives.  
“ Oh yes, tell me. How is your partner? How is the famous Gryffindor quidditch champion Donald Trump?” Barack asked.  
“He’s fine I suppose, recovering all right...” Joe sighed.  
“ What’s he got? All they tell us is accident at the lake? Didn’t you save him? What happened?” Joe suddenly felt hot and shuffled in his seat.   
“ I’m not sure I should tell you… he isn’t seeing people at all, because he doesn't want people knowing his condition until he fully recovers… I think it wouldn’t be fair for me to tell you.”  
“ AH, that’s fair.” Barack said. “ So, different topic, but do you think I should ask the Hillary girl from the year above to go to the Christmas dance with me?” Joe smiled. Barack was always so full of energy and lebensgeist.  
“ Isn’t she dating the Clinton guy?”   
“ Oh, yeah, right” Barack’s mood fell a little, before shining brighter than ever. “ Michelle then? The Gryffindor chaser with the great arms? Man, the things I’d let her do to me… she could snap me in half like a twig and I would thank her.” Joe laughed once again.   
“ She could snap you in half yes, but not because she’s strong, although she probably is, it’s because you are actually built like a twig.


	6. Boy Dreams and Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, here is chapter six... sorry for the longish wait. enjoy!

Chapter Six: Boy Dreams and Betrayal  
Joe was a little concerned. He had tried to focus on his studies for the past days, but his mind kept wandering back to the brief moment after Trump had stupified the troll in the greenhouse when their eyes had met. The orange skin around Trump‘s blue orbs accented and intensified their color and a loose strand of his thin blond hair had fallen out of place, leaving a dark trail of a shadow on his forehead.  
Not only did Joe increasingly recall this moment, but he also began to daydream scenarios in which he could be alone with Trump. Easiest of course, would be just walking into the infirmary, since he was the only one permitted to see Trump, though some scenarios did include Joe “happening” to stop by the lake as Trump did his morning rounds, them laughing and joking together topless and wet and close together to not catch a cold, before running down to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where Joe would press Trump up against a tree a-  
This was where Joe always stopped himself. For now, for always really, the meetings in the infirmary and the greenhouse for their project would have to suffice... But what would happen when Trump had recovered and was able to walk around again? Would he still talk to Joe? Or would he ignore him, a successful jock with his club of fangirls, too busy for a shy bookish yet witty Ravenclaw like Joe…

“ JOE! YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS” Kamala, a friend of Joe’s from the dormitory across the hall burst into the hall where Joe sat in anook, staring out the window into the sky.  
“ THE TRUMP BOY WAS BITTEN BY A NICKERWRANG. HIS SKIN IS AS ORANGE AS THE BALLS OF A CACTI SLUG.”  
Joe froze in his little nook. How did they find out? It was likely someone had snuck into the infirmary, but Trump would probably think Joe had talked… this was not good. His friendship- yes, his friendship,Joe refused to use any other word to not get his hopes up- could be in jeopardy.   
Though his friends and fellow Ravenclaws were abuzz all afternoon about this new info, Joe was able to quietly sneak off. He tried to go to the infirmary to talk to Trump before he head that the whole school knew of his new cheeto colored complexion, but when he got there, there was already a jeering crowd of Slytherins and Ravencalws, a trio of Huffelpuffs who probably meant the best, but failed to consider that oranges and mango may not be the best components for a person whose skin may have been turned the very same shade and the Gryffindor quidditch captain, his face an unhealthy shade of red yelling for Trump to come out for practice. Joe turned the other direction as soon as he saw the commotion and decided to send an owl.

After dinner, just as Joe had entered the common room of the Ravenclaw tower, an owl swooped in through one of the windows and dropped a thick envelope in his lap. A gasp arose from nearby students and before Joe could even register what was happening, the howler in his lap unfolded, and began to curse him out in the simple diction that was Trump’s voice.  
“ BIDEN HOW COULD YOU! I TRUSTED YOU! I EVEN AGREED TO DO THAT STUPID PROJECT EVEN THOUGH I WAS GIVEN THE CHOICE NOT TO! I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU WENT AND TOLD EVERYONE. MY REPUTATION IS RUINED!”  
A tiny voice from behind Joe snickered and remarked: “ Well, if everyone didn’t know before, they do now! The last shred of his good reputation burns with the howler.”


	7. Ministry riots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, its been a while but here is the new chapter. inspired by recent events obviously :)

Chapter Seven: Mister Minister  
A loud chanting woke Joe. Slipping out of bed and trotting to the window he pulled on his robe. One look outside made him wish he had not left bed.  
From the window of his dormitory Joe could see the meadow outside the castle. A big group of Gryffindors and Slytherins had collected near the base of the castle, waving signs and flags angrily. This was not unusual, as there had been several protests in the last couple of months and years due to the workings of the Ministry of Magic.  
Joe was part of the group that despised the old Minister of Magic and disapproved of his policies and views and actions concerning minorities such as the elves and unicorns. Therefore it was a great relief that the Minister was voted out of office.  
However, a large group of his supporters were so thoroughly brainwashed that they believed the Minister when he called fraud. Despite the Daily Prophet printing evidence of the Minister himself actually being the one trying to convince people to fake votes for him, his supporters had been protesting the result of the election for weeks now. The Minister was even said to have encouraged some of these protests.  
Joe looked at the crowd of protesting students in pity. These kids had been influenced by the hateful politics of their parents and were protesting things they could barely understand. None of them had a clue what horrible consequences the Minister’s term in office had had on the elves, the unicorns, even on queer wizards and witches. And still they would scream their lungs out to support this Minister.  
Suddenly something caught Joe’s eye in the crowd. Between the shades of scarlet and gold from Gryffindor and emerald and silver from the Slytherin robes a distinct shade of cheeto orange shone brightly. It was Trump. Somehow, he had overcome ( or simply ignored) the shame of his secret being out and joined the roaring crowd. It even seemed he was one of it’s leaders. Joe shook his head sadly. The misunderstanding of the day before still burned inside Joe’s stomach like the howler had burned after the hateful message from Trump. Joe turned to get dressed and tried to put the tall orange skinned boy out of his mind. It could have never worked anyway. The rumor from the Hufflepuffs was that Trump only liked Durmstrang girls… Oh what Joe wouldn’t have given to be a long legged, cold hearted, icy blond Durmstrang witch.  
At lunch Barack stormed over to where Joe was sitting alone and wallowing in self pity at the loss of Trump’s trust and possible interest.  
“ Joe, did you hear the news?” Barack asked excitedly but with a worried look in his eyes. When Joe only slowly shook his head, Barack handed him an owl TWEETmessage ( Trinister Warhol’s Enformation Express Traveller, an owl network composed of owls bread for speed to deliver small messages. One can leave a wand mark to show appreciation or reTWEET and send the message further out into the world). The TWEET was from Sandrine Ollander, a young witch from the Ministry of Magic who was known for her witty interviews and snarky TWEETs sent from ministry meetings.   
“The supporters of the ex Minister are storming the Ministry of Magic. Staff is evacuated, though aurors seem to show support for rioters.” Joe read out loud. He looked at Barack and shook his head in disbelief.   
“ They really went to the Ministry and stormed it?” Barack nodded gravely. Just as he took the TWEET back from Joe to reTWEET it and send the owl on its way, a new owl flew in and landed next to Barack.   
“How come this owl came to you right away?” Joe asked and pointe at the owl that was now sitting a little too close for comfort to Joe’s lunch:  
“ Oh, I follow Sandrine, so the owls follow me to keep me updated.” Joe shook his head. This system seems much too meta and confusing for anyone to understand or keep important to the plot for this long.   
“ Look, Joe, there’s a photo with this one” Joe took the image in his hands and stared in disbelief. In his hands he held a moving photograph from the great hall of the Ministry. A huge crowd was in great disarray with people stealing statues and shooting firework spells at the ceiling, and in their midst was a familiar orange face.  
“ He… he went and joined the rioters at the ministry?”  
“ Yeah,” Barack said solemnly. “ Him and a group of hardcores left after breakfast this morning.”  
But Joe was not even paying attention anymore, because he had discovered the caption of the photo: “ The rioters got in, but were arrested soon after. Consequences will follow”


End file.
